I didn’t do justice with the title. Neither I am an outcast nor abandoned. It’s just my thoughts that make me feel so.
Have you ever felt lonely even in the presence of myriads of people. Even when you have plenty of persons to address as your friends and still lack this one person in your life. I am clearly not stating myself different form others, the one who is so special that doesn’t fit. I don’t intend to. I am unique just the way you are. Equally common. Equally special. The thing which makes me an outcast is the lack of a genuine shoulder to cry on. A listening ear to share something with. A person to laugh my heads off with.
Even though being socially super active, talking to everyone, having fun with friends- kind of girl, there is still a void in my life that has to be filled. Being oversensitive is the trait I want to eliminate in my life. But sometimes I think it’s not my fault. I never got enough pampering. Being the eldest. The most responsible one. People never saw the kid in me who craves for a little care and love. Always keeping people happy, Being there when they are sick, Asking about their problems is a thing I want to do and always will. But sometimes I need to feel that too. And losing the very best friend in my life intensifies the situation. Have no one to tell about how the day went. How I am feeling. How life is going. The void now becomes a giant black hole, where emotions get compressed and lost. No one even knows whether they existed at the first place.
Talking about my endless hobbies and few achievements isn’t about showing off. It’s just a sign that the person listening to me might find a person with same interests and I too might get a companion to spend some time with.
I might not be perfect. I might not be that best friend someone dreamt of. But if someone respects my sensitiveness and is happy to be with me she may find that I have the potential to be a decent friend. A soothing companion.
Being OUTCAST isn’t just about being alienated. It’s about feeling that emptiness which surrounds your life, paying visits now and then when you are already at your breaking point.