Miss You Grandma

There was so much to say. So much to feel. So much to share. So much to express. There were so many moments to live. It was so less. So so less. I think I could never be satisfied with time we had. But still there was so much that we could do.
I saw a child today. A child crying. Her grandma just died. A neighbour. Few scenes flashed. Five months back. An unexpected news. Grandma it was your goodbye. I was not ready. I could never be. I still remember I couldn’t stop crying the whole night. When I saw your body. Your eyes were still open. I am still crying. That scene never let me be at peace. I still remember reciting Bhagwat Gita’s shlok, sitting near your feet. Entire night.  I didn’t want to leave you for a single second. I didn’t want them to take you away. You were the best. Seven grandchildren. Six grandaughters. No discrimination. When they were taking you away. For the last rites. That was the worst moment of my life. I was watching you go. Leaving me. We all six sisters were crying. Divided by our birth parents. United by your blood and love. We were sobing uncontrollably. That was my first public display of intense human emotions on huge scale. Never cried before so many people. But it didn’t matter. All that matter was you were leaving. And you left. Just left. 

I never mentioned your name in front of anyone. I knew it would bring tears to me. And I won’t able to stop. I never displayed any sadness. It’s difficult for me to overcome it. I went out. Partied for last five months. Uploaded pictures on social media. It was my way of forgetting you. Now you don’t come to my thoughts so often. May be because for last few years we weren’t living together in one house, so I never felt your absence on daily basis. But whenever you come to my thoughts it hurts. It hurts too much.

 I had such an awesome childhood with you. I remember all your childhood stories you narrated me. The appearance of your dad. Your mom. And even your grandmom. The way you played with your sibling with your favourite frock on. I miss all those fables and stories you told me. Our very own bed time moments. I miss your laugh. I miss your special prayer session on my birthdays. We had a bond. I was the eldest. Your first grandchild. I was supposed to be your favourite. And I was. Our little moments. I miss you. Whenever I see an old lady. Or anything else that could remind me of you, give me this lump in my throat. Can we meet again. Can I talk to you again. Can you stay with me again. I promise I will be better this time. The best grandaughter in the world. I will never disappoint you. But please just come back. I promise you I will take care of all your grandchildren. Will Remember them on their special days as you did. You just come back.