Not The Only one

Posted in being girl, diary writing, general, My experienceTagged , , ,

I thought I was special for you. Every thing you said. Those little deeds. Our little fights. I thought all those things were just meant for me. I was so happy to find you because i always believed in a sacred relationship like this. I always dreamt of that. I never wanted anything in return. Just a recognition of my true love.
At the beginning, I never thought you will reciprocate whatever I did. But it happened. I was so happy. I was in heaven. Our relationship had no name. I was happy. I knew this was true love, it doesn’t need any name. I just loved you the way you are. In the most pure way. You were my soulmate. First a single soul which divided in the course of time. Those souls which are present with you in your every life, As a sister, father, spouse, grandparents, lover, best friend. And in this life you were in a total new relationship. I thought it will continue forever but it ended too soon. And the way it ended broke me to the core.
When I saw you with someone else. Sharing those same moments. Saying those same words. I felt like cheated. My trust just got a major setback. It Made me cry my soul out loud. This pain in the chest is unbearable. You should never have told me that I was special to you. You were wrong when you made me feel so happy. Because now it hurts a lot more than that. I told you the very first time that I my feelings for you will remain the same throughout my lifetime, no matter what you think about me. You made me feel different. I was so happy. But now when I know I am not the only one, my tears don’t stop rolling down.
I became so dependent on you and now I am getting the punishment. I know I am no one to you but it hurts. My feelings for you are still rock hard. I hate this. Why do I have to love you so much. I know it’s not a crush or a mere physical attraction. Because I always loved your soul. It vibrated with me.
The problem is, you never told that I was that special to you. You were just there for me. You made me feel special. And I was the one who thought that yeah! I am as special to you as you are to me. But this can never happen.
I am broke to the core. I need some rest. I need some peace.

27 thoughts on “Not The Only one”

      3. Time is a great healer. So is a renewed effort towards achieving a professional goal you may have set for yourself. Two years down the road, when you look back, you might be surprised as to how good this was for you!

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  2. Rubbish!!! True love is not letting go.. leave that to the Bollywood movies… but this made me almost weep for a similar thing.. except it was an online sister I had.. the only one ever.. I am never frivolous enough to think that these online relationships matter… and yet I thought the same way as you did..
    Now that love is over.. even if it is some kind of brother-sister thing.. (Trust me, I am not into this rakhi sister-brother thing at all and yet, I was completely sure that my little girl was family. Though I have never seen her ever. But blood is thicker than water and even if it is borrowed blood hehehe).
    Here is what you do, little girl… forget it all.. completely.. and when you do remember, rage at that fellow who turned out to be a nobody to you. But, may I also say this? Relationships are not broken easily.. abide, stay, remain.. see if he can be a friend too.. which is sometimes more lasting than a stupid romance.. try it out…

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    1. You are tejaswi, it is some kind of brother sister thing. I believed in it. And still do. But I guess the person on the other side never thought in that way. I know he cares about me. He is concerned. And that’s why he is cutting contact for a while so I can completely concentrate on my studies

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    2. But amidst all this when i saw that same loving words are used for a some different person too, it made me cry. He still says I am special for him and right now he just wants me to concentrate on my career. But now I know that the way I thought I was special for him, I am not.

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      1. 🙂 he is either very mature or very cunning. But, take the positives out of that too. Yes, by all means concentrate on your career. But if he is a serial appeaser and tends to say that to everyone around in the same intimate way, beware 🙂
        In the long run, Vyas, all these do not matter. You will get by, I am sure of it, no matter how despondent you seem now or how it seems like the world has suddenly become a gloomy, darker place. Tomorrow there shall be another sunrise, in spite of all the gloominess. You shall get over this too, trust me. When the pain is dull tomorrow, you will look at all this from a different perspective. I hope, at least.

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      2. Thanks Tejaswi. I just hope it happens.
        He doesn’t say these things to everyone. It’s just one more person. He still says his relationship with me is a different one but other people too have their own importance. Currently he is just worried about my studies, so we are not talking much. But I just hope all this ends soon. Thanks Tejaswi😊

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    3. I don’t want to let him go. Because my feelings for him can’t be changed. But it is difficult to accept the fact and be just friends. I am trying. I have always been very emotional. And it was the first time I trusted someone so much outside of my family. I still do. But it hurts. I believe in people coming in your life for a reason.
      Let’s see. I am trying to move on.

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      1. I feel for you. May I apologize on behalf of that person? It is like that sometimes with men and I am no different either. We tend to be callous and often end up hurting people.
        As for your feelings not changing, I daresay that you shall see better times and better people. You must assure yourself that it is a better thing and there are good things in store for you. This might not be very soothing to your ears right now, but it is nonetheless true. Better a small disappointment now rather than a large heartbreak later. You will see… there is someone better somewhere 🙂

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      2. I am sure all this is for good. And one day I will be proud that I just crossed all this.
        And may be you are right, men are weird. Sometimes so warm and at the others too cold😉. It’s OK cause I believe in everyone’s uniqueness. Thanks😊

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  4. Very touching.. Lot of emotions in this. Can feel the words.. I know how it feels being cheated.. Being too much attached and dependent on someone always leaves us heart-broken.. Hope that this phase passes soon…

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