I am growing up

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I am 19 now. I don’t know what my future will be. Everything is uncertain. My heart is at unrest. I am missing my happiness. I am too worried about my life changing exams. Most importantly, nothing gives me solace.

May be this is called growing up. Growing up with an insecurity in your heart. Growing up with a fear of future. Growing up at a place where you can’t share your anxiety with your mom because you are big enough to whine in front of her. To lay your head in her lap and cry till you fall asleep and woke up magically in your bed. It is growing up physically and emotionally. At least others think so. They think I am growing up. They think I am taking my initial steps to become one of them. They say ‘it  is called life’. They say the frog has taken a leap from his well.

Deep inside my heart I know exactly opposite is happening. I am taking a step backward to the first day of my life where I only cried. My heart instead of growing up has shrunk. All I think about is me. All I can see is the endless hardships I have to face. Alone. First my feelings for anyone was pure. Even dislike towards one of my classmate was serene. Never my mind said someone could hurt me. Never I liked someone so much cause love was immeasurable. Never I worried so much about my grades. Never I thought what my life would be. All I knew was that I was happy. A hell lot happy than today. I loved attending my school. A place where I had my friends. A place where I played till I was wet from my own sweat. Looking beautiful was all about looking cute. All our gossips were about what happened on a particular show the previous night. Not about someone’s new love interest. Never did it occur to me what my friends would think about my financial status or how does my house look like. I never made an opinion about someone ( except the neighbourhood uncle with a heavy moustache). 

Religious books say that you should grow up spiritually. But this isn’t that definitely. In spite of moving towards that ultimate zero, I feel I am loosing my wholeness. Then why do people call it growing up when you are becoming short, excluding the physical stature. Isn’t it the biggest hypocrisy. I know life isn’t easy but heading towards this kind of inner life isn’t the solution too.

May be someday I will truly grow up. Grow up to become what I was destined to.

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32 thoughts on “I am growing up

      1. Some things we have no control over it just happens but in the midst of thing’s always see positive if you see negative than that’s what your going to get

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Its okay to resmeince we all do it just visit though lol and you are a talented young sister your writing is good detail visual ed

        Liked by 1 person

  1. I feel you,girl!I really do.School finishes and college starts.And after a couple of months of fun filled “college life”,you are heaploaded with loads of shit you never thought you would deal with, when you were a kid.:/

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      1. Yeah,I am 18,actually.(:
        And I am in my first year of college.Like anything else,it has its pros and cons.In a way,it’s awesome. In others?Not so much. *sighs*
        By the way,best of luck for the entrance exams!šŸ€:D

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thanks. I really need wishes. By the way I am dying to get into a college cause all my nonmedical field friends have already started with their college life and I miss all the activities I used to do in my school life. Recently my life is damn boring. So,i just hope I am in a medical college till July’s end. Thanks for your wishes. Happy to interact with you. šŸ™‚ šŸ˜€

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Hey I’m 19 too!! and I guess the trick is not to think too much and enjoy life!! U are gonna get into new places….if it doesn’t suit….don’t hate it…..just take a book or mobile……it usually helps….and really rumors?? does it matter what others think about u?? u won’t even see them ever again after few years.
    AND ALWAYS TELL YOUR MOM. No matter how difficult always tell her. U are never too old for her. All the problems’ll be solved in 2 mins by her!! šŸ™‚ happy blogging!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your wishes and advice. I know I will get through it. A good book is always my favourite choice to become happy. And now with this blog I feel rejuvenated.
      Yup I will never leave sharing anything with my mom cause she do have answer to all my problems. Thanks for the encouragement. šŸ™‚ šŸ˜€

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  3. when u dosnt broadcast ur emotions n problm …to someone ..dats call …maturity …
    den u will get to kno ur …real n bhyankar potential
    ur strnghth …
    belive in urself ………lolz

    Liked by 1 person

  4. We all have to grow up sometime. Well – we hope to live long enough to do so. Part of me will never grow up though. I simply refuse. šŸ˜‰
    I think that it’s ok to always keep a part of you young as you grow up & grow old.
    PeAce!

    Liked by 1 person

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