Sometimes I wonder how queer I am. People seek out for their soul mates. Here is this teenage girl who is on her quest to find her CHANAKYA, her ideal teacher. My mission, which started in class 8th, has never really ended. Incessantly every day, I seek out for my CHANAKYA, no matter how naïve I might look. The first time when I heard about this relationship of a great scholar CHANAKYA and his devoted student CHANDRAGUPTA, all my senses were electrified to their highest potential. Basically, I was too fascinated to experience this level of trust and support, where CHANAKYA in spite of being worthy never tried for the king’s post. Instead, he put forth his student. In return, his student gave him his everything. This entire idea was bizarre to me, yet so pure. I too wanted to have that relationship. Still want to.
Any particular gender not being a mandatory thing, my mission is in action 24X7. I too want that person in my life who would raise me up from my position of a common girl to the status of Chandragupta. In no way, I am pointing out to become a queen. It’s just a metaphor. My CHANAKYA would be my teacher for life, the one, everything to me. Who’ll be aware of my NOT TO MENTION qualities, still will have immense faith in me. Who will be my strength in all my NOT TO MENTION situations still will never left me entirely dependent. In return I will follow him, without any doubt and will give my strings in his hands. My CHANAKYA will know exactly when to cheer me up and when I might need recognition the most in all those staccato woeful moments of my life. He will be perfect in not alone his areas of concern. Even in the practicality of the life, he might come up as the Krishna of my Mahabharata. That’s what I want from my life. Because, my CHANAKYA will be solutions to all my questions. He will be hearing to all my wishes.
So, every morning when I head on to my wonderful life, I search for my CHANAKYA to make it even more celebrating. Initially, in every good teacher I see my CHANAKYA. As the time goes by I realize I have failed. Not because, every teacher I have met is not worth me. I would never say so. Instead, he already has found his CHANDRAGUPTA [at least I fell so]. And I am too selfish to share him with anyone else. I won’t compromise with my CHANAKYA’S attention in any situation. Further I never got that connectivity. When I did, my CHANAKYA didn’t. I guess I have never did meet my CHANAKYA.
Now I feel the only reason me being CHANAKYALESS is that I am not ready yet. May be I am not worth it YET. May be I am being too picky where I did not have to, where I don’t have the right cause one day my CHANAKYA will find me. It would automatically just happen to me. Till then I will wait. I will. Till my last breath. I will enjoy my journey, my mission and definitely one day I will find my CHANAKYA. May be my mission: FINDING CHANAKYA will make me worth him till we meet.